The Big House
by The-Dove
Summary: What happens when Sirius, Lupin, Harry, and Severus are arrested? SS/HP, SB/RL!
1. Deciding Votes

"This is all your fault." Sirius Black glared at the man sitting on the bench across from him. A snarl appeared on the other mans face, as he drew his cloak about his shoulders in a protective gesture. Remus Lupin patted the man on the shoulder, earning a glare from all three of the other men. Severus Snape shrugged the werewolf's hand from his shoulder.  
  
"C'mon, Sirius, you can't lay the blame on him just because you hate him." Harry Potter intervened. His godfather's lip curled up and a low growl bubbled up from his throat. Harry pushed the mop of hair from his eyes, sighing. Then he glared at Snape. "It's all your fault."  
  
Lupin snickered, earning the eye-of-death from his companions. "What?"  
  
Snape shook his head and Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, what did you expect I'd do if a bunch of Muggle women accosted me? I had to run."  
  
"Yes, but you didn't have to punch whomever got in your way." Harry reasoned, a nasty looking bruise forming across his left cheekbone. Severus winced and leaned back against the bench.  
  
"Hey," Lupin got Sirius' attention with a small wave. "Can I be your bitch?"  
  
The other three gasped in horror. Lupin shrugged. "Well, it'll save you a lot of trouble. It's not like we're not togeth-" Lupin stopped himself. Harry looked on in surprise and terror as Sirius began to laugh hysterically. Severus sneered at the other men.  
  
Finally Harry seemed to regain his motor skills. "What about me?" a pout formed on his lips.  
  
"Severus is free."  
  
Snape made an indignant sound; eyes bugging out of his skull, he managed to gasp out, "I most certainly will not be Harry's bitch!"  
  
Harry laughed.  
  
"It's either me or a three hundred pound man who breaks rocks named Bubba." Sirius stifled another loud guffaw by clapping his hand over his mouth. Lupin's shoulders were shaking with the mental image that was forming.  
  
"Bubba, 'eh?" Snape looked considering for a moment before stiffening up and pursing his lips. "No! I will not be your bitch!"  
  
"I could be yours." Lupin made an appalled sound and Sirius gagged.  
  
A muggle police officer walked up, stopping any other conversation. "The bar owners have decided not to press charges. You're all free to go." The plump mans face was sour, and he shook his head sadly before walking away.  
  
Lupin raised an eyebrow and stood. "Well then, lets get out of here."  
  
As the four men made their way out of the station, Harry stopped Snape with a hand on his arm. "What do you want, Mister Potter?"  
  
"You know that bitch thing?" Snape arched an eyebrow and gestured for him to continue. "I meant it."  
  
Severus froze as Harry saluted him jauntily and went to join Sirius and Lupin. 


	2. Denial is a Wonderful Thing

Title: The Big House 4  
  
Author: The Dove  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairings: Severus Snape/Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin  
  
Review: TheBaconMaster@TeenageDirtbag.com  
  
Distribution: Let me know where this piece of shite is to be posted. If only so that I may laugh myself silly.  
  
Summary: The sequel to 'The Big House'. Hermione decides that Harry needs extra tutoring in potions. so she arranges nightly lessons with the Master himself.  
  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling thought up these characters, and though I suppose she did not intend them to be used in this way, I shall not be held entirely responsible. Nor am I making money off of this.  
  
Authors: This takes place the day after the four were arrested. Yes, I do know that Severus is acting a *lot* OOC. Oh well. That can't really be helped.  
  
I also know that this is not nearly as funny as the first, but oh well.  
  
  
  
Harry let his head fall onto his desk with a minor thump as his face met the wood. "Ow." He muttered, sitting up abruptly and massaging the area.  
  
Had he really said what he thought he'd said to Snape last night? To one of his professors?  
  
Beside him, Hermione Granger cleared her throat and when he glanced up at her, arched her eyebrows in annoyance.  
  
She held a piece of parchment up in front of her and read aloud the words scribbled hastily on it.  
  
"The famous wizard known for inventing the draught of the living. coffee?" She pursed her lips together and looked pointedly at him.  
  
Harry shrugged and she shook her head before continuing.  
  
  
  
"'I really need some coffee. Do they even have coffee here in' Harry, you didn't even finish your sentence! The NEWT's are in three months, really, how do you expect to pass Potions when you can't even remember the subject we were discussing?"  
  
He flinched slightly at the mention of Potions. "I think you should get private tutoring."  
  
"With who? Neville or Malfoy?" He snorted disdainfully at the thought of extra Potions lessons with either of the other two boys.  
  
Hermione shook her head, making her bushy hair fly out around her face. "No. You should get private lessons with Professor Snape."  
  
"Sure, sure. Whatever." He replied without thinking or even listening to what she was suggesting.  
  
"Great! You can start tonight!" For some reason Hermione seemed very excited.  
  
Harry nodded absently before her words hit him full force. "Wait- WHAT?" 


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you psychotic?" Ron Weasley screeched so loudly that the entire great hall- including the professors- turned to look at the Gryffindor table.  
  
Harry groaned and quickly shoved a forkful of mashed potatoes into his mouth.  
  
As he swallowed, Hermione sighed gustily. "For gods sake, Ron, calm down." She hissed.  
  
Harry blushed when he saw that everyone was still staring at him. He made a vague waving motion with his hand, and all the others looked away. all but one black haired man. The Potions professor was still studying the group.  
  
"He's got to take extra lessons, or else he's going to fail." She informed them. "Besides, I don't think Snape's all that bad." Hermione trailed off with a strange expression.  
  
Harry shook his head and sighed. "He seemed okay when we got arrested last night with Sirius and Remus." He said.  
  
Ron and Hermione froze with bites halfway to their mouths. Their shocked expressions instantly reminded him that they were not supposed to know.  
  
With a groan, he covered his face with his hands, as Hermione's face grew steadily redder. Ron looked strangely passive- almost catatonic.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You *are* crazy!" She yelled, jumping from her seat across the table from him. Her fingers curled on the table edge as if she were restraining herself from launching over the counter.  
  
Harry jumped out of his own seat and took a few steps away from her. Everyone's eyes were on them again. "Do you know what could have happened? Do you know? I've read about that kind of-"  
  
Harry, who had been growing more mortified by the second, stared at the livid girl.  
  
"-Arrested! Really, Harry, what's wrong with you? You might as well have declared your love for. for. DRACO MALFOY!"  
  
A tittering broke out among the houses, and Snape raised an eyebrow. "Hermione.?"  
  
"By Merlin, you got arrested with your own GODFATHER, a WEREWOLF, and your BLOODY POTIONS PROFESSOR? You might as well have decided who was going to be who's BITCH!" She screamed the last sentence.  
  
There was a shocked silence, as Harry's face grew steadily redder. Hermione noticed this, and her eyes grew wide. "Oh. My. God."  
  
She seemed to be unreachable in her rage so he did what he aught have done.  
  
He threw cold water in her face and ran for it.  
  
  
  
  
  
What just happened?" Professor McGonagall asked, throwing a sidelong glance at Professor Dumbledore.  
  
He shook his head and looked pointedly at Severus, whose cheeks were tinged with pink. "Something about the three of them deciding who got to be who's bitch. I think that Draco is involved somehow. Didn't Hermione say something about Harry being in love with him? I personally understand nothing about that."  
  
"Harry and Draco?" Minerva asked slyly, withholding giggles.  
  
"What?" Severus' head shot up in surprise. "Draco and-?" He pushed away from the table and stood, looking around coolly, searching for the blonde Slytherin.  
  
"I'll kill the little bastard for having anything to do with my Har-" Severus abruptly stopped, noticing the strange looks his colleagues were giving him. He sat down quickly and downed his entire goblet of pumpkin juice in one gulp, trying to pretend as if nothing unusual had happened.  
  
"Getting possessive, aren't we, Severus?" Albus asked, eyes crinkling at the edges. Minerva and the surrounding teachers burst into laughter. (Including Remus, who immediately resolved not to tell his mate about this) Minerva snorted into her pudding.  
  
"Shut up." Severus growled before standing and stomping away in anger.  
  
  
  
  
  
Back at the Gryffindor table, Hermione was still angry and Ron was still dazed. 


End file.
